another piece of stories

it's been a long...long ago since i updated my blog kan..about 2 months..

as usual, life is full of stories..there's some of the stories dat we want to forget but some we want to keep in fresh in mind..

summer holiday alrdy started..almost a month dh pn..

emm..i started working..AGAIN..but now as a cleaner yg berjaya (konon2 ny la kan..) hahaha..

some of my friends are wondering, why i took jobs that far away from my place..for me, this is the only way for me to be at that place..if not, i will never go there..for instance, now i'm working at a clinic, as a cleaner of course, which is about 1 hour and 45 minutes from my place..WOW, i know, WOW..

then, nk dijadikan cerita, my employer's name is also nisha..n she's a muslim too..great..

another job that i got is at turramurra..which is about 30minutes from my place..n her name is nousha ( pronounce as niusha)..she comes from france..got two boys, asha, 7 and arya, 5...never met her husband yet..n syesly, her house is really nice..not much of furniture, contemporary style (which is i really3x like), simple, and yet, easy to clean up..hehehe..and she is really nice..

yeah..what a coincidence rite.. :)

and today actually i got another job for cleaning..but it still in consideration tho..the employer seems scary..he's an indian and actually, i couldnt get much of what he's saying because he stutter..i think maybe because of he's fluency in english influenced a bit..

speaking of which, i think my English is getting better..even sometimes the grammar is messed up, i lost the words/vocabs, the structure is 'tonggang terbalik'..but i think im getting better in speaking n wirting n texting in english..hehehe..i can feel my confident to communicate in English is higher than during the first three months here..n i even dream in english sometimes..wow kan..hehehe..just like Pamela said, when u used the language in most of the time in your daily life, it will come into your dreams..before, i thought it might be impossible for me to become like that..but i had this dream last 2 days in english..seems like in movies..hahaha..in that dream, i was at the beach waiting for someone..but i dont know who..then that someone come to me and said "u need to come with me..i really need your help.." and i said "why me??what can i do for you??" but then after that all i remember i hugged her like a long-lost friend..then we told each other we will miss each other and hoping will see each other again..then she took off with this handsome young man, which is my ex-boyfriend..and i took off with a man too..i know that man, but prefer not to mention his name here..speaking of that man, i really miss him..he's my best friend..the best friend ever..

and being about almost one year in sydney, people always said "malaysians usually have a very good english.."
WOW..these people must have mis-heard..manglish is one of the pidgin ( bahasa rojak) which can lead to language/s destruction, u know..i am proud to be malaysian, but hye, malaysians, especially malays, let's improve our languages..we should be bilingual to survive these days..

oowh..ok..seems that im off the track now..im a bit sleepy and tired actually..so.......remind me to update my blog frequently k..even nobody reading it..just something i want to keep for the sake of myself..hehehe.. :)

a piece of puzzle of heart

satu, dua, tiga
saya sayang awk
tiga, empat, lima
awak tak mampu untuk saya capai
enam, tujuh, lapan
awak tak nak kat saya
sembilan, sepuluh
dengan selamba saya kata
xpe la awak tak nak kat saya
tapi saya nak kat awk
sape taw jodoh ada antara kite

one, two, three
i dont care what life going to be in the future
three, four, five
gravity wont hold me down
five, six, seven
i will fly if i want to..as God will
seven, eight, nine
help me when im in need, friends
ten
i know u won't, that's why i only put faith on Allah

awak di sana
saya tak pasti awak ke yang akan menemai saya sepanjang hayat saya
saya tak pasti juga awak ke yang saya akan cintai seiring nafas saya
tapi bermula saat awak melafazkan akad nanti
saya berjanji pada awak
dan juga diri sendiri
cinta saya untuk awak akan bersatu bersama nadi dan nafas saya

awak di sana
saya tak taw siapa awak
mungkin manusia yang saya pernah kenali
mungkin juga kita tak pernah berjumpa
tapi jika benar awak dan saya ditakdirkan bersama
sepuluh tahun pun tak mampu menghalang kita
siapa awak??
bilakah awak akan muncul??
di mana saya akan jumpa awak??
tiada siapa pun mampu menjawabnya buat masa ini
saya harap awak setia menanti saya
seperti saya menanti awak
sehingga ditentukan olehNya
saat kita bertemu dan mengenali sesama sendiri

butterfly comes hummingbird flies away
cradle the world when the storm comes
shivering with fright and excitement
love can be the shine or the dark cloud
can make you dance while you are swimming
or you drown out of breath in the air
crazy with the flowers blooming around you
or dying tree scaring you
but you cannot deny
love is a piece of puzzle of heart
your life wont be complete without it
embrace dont be disgrace
it is a great gift from Almighty

p/s: awak jangan kecewa nanti saya banyak benda nak cerita..dan awak juga akan berpenglipurlara dengan saya..jangan letih ya.. ;)

last day~~~

feel bored, dont know what to do..feel like want to eat 'bepang bebola'..tried to find d recipe online..but couldnt find it..n the updating my fb status..n something caught my eyes on the home page..meen's status promoting the islamic awareness week at our university..n there a link for the trailer video..*click here to watch the video*

the first question that been asked is "HOW WOULD YOU SPEND YOUR LAST DAY?" and while people in the video giving out their answers, i was thinking the same think..how would i spend my last day?? WOW!!seriously, i dont know how to answer it because i was thinking about a lot of think..moreover, im in sydney and my family at malaysia..it might be really3x hard for both of us..maybe some of the list below can be done before my time is up..

1. ask for forgiveness from everybody sincerely
2. solat taubat to ask forgiveness from The Only One, Almighty Allah
3. skype with mama and abah to ask their forgiveness and to give my last will to my sisters and brother
4. write last words at fb note for everybody who knows me (family and friends)
5. call the person who i love to tell him that i still love him even we are not 'in relationship' anymore..and ask for his forgiveness too because i broke his heart before..the possible sentence i will said "awk, sy mntk maaf sgala slh slp sy kat awk..maaf jgk sbb sy kte sy blh nk hlangkan cnta sy utk awk dr hti sy, tp sbnr ny tak..bkurang myb, tp sy xmmpu nk lupuskan semua..benar jodoh kt takde d dunia..dh dtentukan umur sy tak pjg..sy doakan awk jmp 'bidadari' awk..kt xdpt bsama d dunia n..doakan sy bakal d ltk kan bsama golongan org mukmin..klw blh, bacakan lah yaasiin utk sy ye..smoga awk sntiasa bahagia"
6. call my best buddy..he did a lot for me..he gives me strength whenever i needed..always all-ears and being a good listeners and advisor..
7. call tok mak and tok bah..i miss them so much..ask for their forgiveness too because i've been such a naughty granddaugther..
8. try to solve all my debts if i got the money..if not, i will write a will and 'amanahkan' my closest friend here, syue and noni to settle it after the allowances come into my account..
9. send all my clothes and stuff to malaysia so that my sisters can use them without wasting it here..and some of the stuff will goes to 'kanak-kanak miskin' (poor children) in Malaysia..
10. mandi wajib in hope i will die in a clean condition and read the al-Quran which i've been left for a very long time.

goosebumps when im writing this entry..i hope Allah still gives me more times to live my life..i've been bad..i did a lot of sins..give me chance ya Allah to be a better person..and if, if you want to take away my soul, please let me hug my mama, abah, angah, uda, k.chik, kakak, tok mak n tok bah 1st for the last time..

crush and crash

a lot of things happened since i posted my previous post..

mfest --> mgm --> grace hotel --> shangri la hotel

semua ny dance performance..as expected, kat sydney mesti byk peluang to dance more..i love it.. :))

try to remember back, d 1st moment i was joining dance..it just because of it was a cool thing to do and syesly i wanted to be famous that time..well, biasalah kan, masa remaja..huhuhu..and of coz dat time my family didnt approve it..i was rebellious..d more they forbid me, d more i become wild..hahaha..pity my parents that time..i made they cried a lot..what a bad girl.. :(
*mama, abah..im sorry..**

now, here i am at sydney..thank God He still give me another chance to live and correct my mistakes as far as i can, coz i cant turn back time..the difference now and then is now, my parents have my back in everything i do, including dancing..they started to accept it since i was in sabah..im glad..tq mama..tq abah..they never have the chance to come lively at my performance so far, but each time i perform, they, especially mama will ask "ada record x??mama nk tgok.." and since i was started to wear scarf, mama and abah always remind me "menari 2 menari jgk..tp tudung pakai, jgn bukak..sia2 je.." hehehe..syg mama..i will always remember..

when i've been joining dancing for a long time, dancing become my passion..especially malay tradisional dance..i feel like this is my responsibilities to mantain the culture..not only mantain, i want to implement it in my generation and the future generation..im not the best dancer, im not a great one..but i have this dream of opening a dance studio, just to teach tradisional dance to kids and teens maybe for free or they can pay how much they want to..mama said it could be an alternative way to prevent these youngsters to 'melepak' doing nothing..or maybe i can mix with some of modern dance to attract them..that's why im trying to learn as much as i can here in sydney..i really hope this dream can be true 1 day.. (in that case, i need to find a husband who has a same interest with me in dancing..hehehe..or he might not be a dancer, but as long as he can support me, i'll be thankful enough)

i started become a choreographer when i was studying in ipgm kampus pulau pinang..my first opportunity is to teach students at school..then, share my knowledge with my friends at college..we enjoyed our moment there..and then here in sydney, i got the opportunity to choreograph for malaysian festival at tumbalong park, darling harbour..it was a really great opportunity even i made a mistake by starting the practice late so some of the routine been cancelled because we didnt have much time to practice it as some of the dancers are first time dancing..but i was a bit regret..because i tend to compete with another person..i was not sincere with my intention..and it turned out upside-down bcoz i feel miserable..competition is good, but i just feel wrong this time..it just like i was not thankful enough with the opportunity i have..

whatever it is..i want to dance more..but i think my time is nearly finish..maybe this 2 years in sydney will be my last years in dancing..maybe after this i will be teaching and sharing my lil knowledge with somebody else..maybe..God's will..insya allah.. :))

somebody help me please..

chris: im introverted so i dont care what others think of me
chris: introverts done go well at parties
chris: don't^
nisya aziz: emm..
nisya aziz: n y u dont try 2 even change dat
nisya aziz: u seems like give up
nisya aziz: n let dat things just happen
nisya aziz: i know
nisya aziz: myb u r tired of life
nisya aziz: bcoz smtmes i also tired n fed up with life
nisya aziz: but d thing is
nisya aziz: dont let life mold u
nisya aziz: u mold ur life
chris: ahah yea im not very impressed with this planet at all
nisya aziz: but u like it or not
chris: you are tight about that
nisya aziz: u r living on dis planet
nisya aziz: n these people
chris: so what.. for less than 100 years..
chris: that is insignificant
chris: why should i care about anything
nisya aziz: even 1 seconds can b significant
chris: nup i dont believe it
nisya aziz: trust me
nisya aziz: u should believe it
chris: if humans survive for 100 million years
[6:03:12 PM] chris: that is not even 0.000000000000000000001% of the age of the universe
[6:03:12 PM] nisya aziz: u should appreciate ur life more
[6:03:21 PM] nisya aziz: ok
[6:03:35 PM] nisya aziz: dont compare d universe n human
[6:03:41 PM] chris: why not
[6:04:09 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz can u imagine if human live as long as d universe??
[6:04:24 PM] nisya aziz: there will b no universe at all
[6:04:30 PM] chris: im sure the universe is abundant with life
[6:04:35 PM] nisya aziz: coz human r destroyer
[6:04:54 PM] nisya aziz: dats y human live just in a short period
[6:05:01 PM] nisya aziz: n bcoz of dat short period
[6:05:09 PM] nisya aziz: u should appreciate it
[6:05:18 PM] nisya aziz: n God made human 2 do so
[6:05:33 PM] chris: yes humans are destroyers.. so i hope they never colonise another planet and become extinct on earth
[6:05:56 PM] nisya aziz: it can b possible
[6:06:16 PM] nisya aziz: but myb after many2 generation in d future
[6:06:19 PM] nisya aziz: who knows
[6:06:40 PM] nisya aziz: if u keep thinking
[6:06:44 PM] nisya aziz: like dis
[6:07:03 PM] nisya aziz: i think it's better if u commit suicide now
[6:07:16 PM] chris: yes you are right it is better if i do that
[6:07:20 PM] nisya aziz: n y u r still live until now??
[6:07:35 PM] nisya aziz: im not asking u 2 kill urself
[6:07:42 PM] nisya aziz: but please
[6:07:46 PM] chris: it is a good question
[6:07:48 PM] nisya aziz: appraciate ur life
[6:08:00 PM] nisya aziz: even u dont believe in God
[6:08:02 PM] chris: i have contemplated suicide many many times
[6:08:10 PM] chris: but i dont have the willpower for it
[6:08:11 PM] chris: also
[6:08:28 PM] nisya aziz: God still want u 2 live
[6:08:45 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz u still have d chance 2 think about ur life
[6:08:48 PM] chris: god is not real
[6:08:51 PM] chris: and if he was
[6:08:55 PM] chris: i would be his enemy
[6:09:10 PM] nisya aziz: honestly
[6:09:38 PM] chris: the useless god cant stop suffering on a massive scale
[6:09:41 PM] chris: what use is he ?
[6:09:52 PM] chris: no use to anyone
[6:10:40 PM] chris: anyway, the laws of nature dont require a god
[6:10:47 PM] chris: they work by themself
[6:11:11 PM] chris: throw your koran in the bin and read a book on physics
[6:11:26 PM] chris: that is the true god
[6:16:30 PM] nisya aziz: n where does d human get d brain 2 think about physics??
[6:16:38 PM] chris: evolution
[6:17:07 PM] nisya aziz: n how d nature can b running by themselves if there's no 'director' of it??
[6:17:20 PM] nisya aziz: n how evolution happened??
[6:17:27 PM] chris: chemical reactions
[6:17:35 PM] nisya aziz: nothing is happening bcoz it just want 2 happen
[6:17:58 PM] nisya aziz: n how chemical reaction happened??
[6:18:36 PM] nisya aziz: have u ever think how even 1 atom can b existed??
[6:18:55 PM] chris: those sorts of questions require a lifetime of study to understand, everyone else just assumes that its magic and a god did it.. that is the lazy way to think
[6:18:57 PM] nisya aziz: u want me 2 throw my qoran??
[6:19:10 PM] nisya aziz: but have u ever read it??
[6:19:30 PM] nisya aziz: it's not just a book or just words in it
[6:19:34 PM] nisya aziz: if u read it
[6:19:38 PM] nisya aziz: n understand it
[6:19:53 PM] nisya aziz: it is about physics,biology, chemistry
[6:20:24 PM] nisya aziz: all of d things happened n will happen stated in dat book
[6:20:28 PM] chris: i have read some passages from it, some of it is good philosiphy, some of it is cultist nonsense
[6:20:38 PM] nisya aziz: for example??
[6:20:53 PM] nisya aziz: give me 1 example of dat cultist nonsense
[6:21:04 PM] nisya aziz: i will explain it 2 u
[6:21:20 PM] chris: haha i read those many years ago, i spend my reading time looking at science journals
[6:21:52 PM] nisya aziz: n do u know dat science comes from dat book dat u want me 2 throw??
[6:22:09 PM] chris: the koran coudnt tell you how astar is born
[6:22:17 PM] chris: or how to treat lukeamia
[6:22:30 PM] chris: or how many galaxies there are in the universe
[6:22:31 PM] nisya aziz: n i think u know dat many of scientist comes from people who study dat book
[6:22:37 PM] chris: or how many other planets have life on them
[6:23:18 PM] chris: the koran cant tell you how the moon formed
[6:23:23 PM] nisya aziz: but earlier people started 2 think n study bout all of dis bcoz they study qoran
[6:23:37 PM] chris: no
[6:23:41 PM] nisya aziz: yes
[6:23:51 PM] chris: i would say most scientists have benever even seen a koran
[6:25:02 PM] chris: you cant get anything useful done while reading a work of fiction
[6:25:32 PM] chris: you are helping no one
[6:25:37 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[6:25:47 PM] chris: praying is a way you think you're helping when you are really just talking to yourself
[6:25:48 PM] nisya aziz: im not trying to help anybody
[6:26:20 PM] nisya aziz: im just trying to make urself clear
[6:26:59 PM] nisya aziz: life is meant to b live
[6:27:09 PM] chris: says who?
[6:27:22 PM] nisya aziz: n actually praying is helping urself 2 b calm
[6:27:40 PM] nisya aziz: says me
[6:28:09 PM] nisya aziz: n u should know about dta
[6:28:12 PM] nisya aziz: if not
[6:28:23 PM] nisya aziz: y u r still alive now??
[6:28:49 PM] chris: i dont understand how life works, so im not going to just assume things and join a cult
[6:29:07 PM] chris: because the cults know nothing
[6:29:09 PM] chris: they are there to scam people
[6:29:13 PM] chris: gain power
[6:29:14 PM] chris: control people
[6:29:16 PM] chris: etc
[6:29:24 PM] chris: scientology
[6:29:26 PM] chris: classic example
[6:29:35 PM] nisya aziz: if u hate power
[6:29:47 PM] nisya aziz: means u hate urself
[6:30:04 PM] nisya aziz: coz even within urself
[6:30:11 PM] nisya aziz: u also got ur own power
[6:30:18 PM] chris: i dont hate or love myself
[6:30:36 PM] nisya aziz: n y??
[6:30:49 PM] chris: loving yourself means you have an ego
[6:30:57 PM] chris: hating yourself means you have a mental illness
[6:31:13 PM] nisya aziz: everybody has his/her own ego
[6:31:41 PM] nisya aziz: it just d matter is how high is ur level of ego
[6:31:56 PM] nisya aziz: n i can say dat u have ur own ego
[6:32:30 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz u r optimist with ur own thought n believe
[6:32:49 PM] nisya aziz: n i have my own ego
[6:33:17 PM] nisya aziz: n i have myy own mental illness
[6:33:26 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz smtmes i hate myself
[6:33:35 PM] nisya aziz: especially if i did mistakes
[6:33:57 PM] nisya aziz: n i believe u also have ur own mental illness
[6:34:13 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz there's a time u hate urself
[6:34:23 PM] chris: when?
[6:34:29 PM] nisya aziz: as u said u tried 2 commit suicide b4??
[6:34:30 PM] chris: i dont hate myself as i said
[6:34:37 PM] nisya aziz: m i rite??
[6:34:42 PM] chris: thats not about hating myself
[6:34:51 PM] chris: thats about rejecting life
[6:34:54 PM] chris: as in i think its rubbish
[6:35:03 PM] chris: not worth the time
[6:35:04 PM] nisya aziz: rejecting life = hating urself
[6:35:08 PM] chris: incorrect
[6:35:11 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz u dont want 2 live
[6:35:24 PM] chris: it doesnt mean i want to be someone else
[6:35:32 PM] nisya aziz: u dont want 2 receive d life as u r n u have now
[6:35:43 PM] nisya aziz: u hate urself 4 dat
[6:35:48 PM] nisya aziz: u hate urlife
[6:35:52 PM] chris: nope
[6:35:57 PM] nisya aziz: n u dont want it anymore
[6:35:57 PM] chris: still incorrect
[6:36:02 PM] chris: if i hated my life
[6:36:06 PM] chris: i would rather be someone else
[6:36:09 PM] chris: and live
[6:36:13 PM] chris: that is not the case
[6:36:26 PM] chris: i can pretty much do what i want
[6:36:36 PM] chris: i could marry, have a family , a nice home etc etc
[6:36:45 PM] nisya aziz: then wat case is dat when u were trying 2 kill urself??
[6:37:08 PM] nisya aziz: n wat case is dat when u said u dont want to live ur life??
[6:37:30 PM] nisya aziz: n wat case is dat when u dont want 2 appreciate wat u have now??
[6:37:34 PM] chris: you are someone who just assumes people who commit suicide hated something or
[6:37:37 PM] chris: had a bad life
[6:37:42 PM] chris: that is var from true
[6:37:44 PM] chris: far
[6:37:47 PM] nisya aziz: i dont say dat u have a bad life
[6:37:55 PM] nisya aziz: im pretty sure u r not
[6:38:03 PM] chris: i dont have a bad life
[6:38:06 PM] nisya aziz: it just u dont appreciate it
[6:38:21 PM] chris: i want to experience death
[6:38:36 PM] nisya aziz: n then u want to live again??
[6:38:42 PM] nisya aziz: not a chance bby
[6:38:47 PM] chris: and as i said, i think this is a stupid planet
[6:38:54 PM] nisya aziz: we dont know wat will happen after we dead
[6:39:06 PM] chris: i want to die, because i can imagine a better world
[6:39:16 PM] nisya aziz: IMAGINE???
[6:39:42 PM] nisya aziz: dis is reality
[6:40:06 PM] nisya aziz: n if it is mot a better life there after u dead
[6:40:14 PM] chris: as i said
[6:40:19 PM] chris: less that 100 years remember
[6:40:19 PM] nisya aziz: wat do u want 2 do??
[6:40:35 PM] chris: dieing 50 years early wont make any difference anyway

[6:41:07 PM] nisya aziz: n wat make difference if u die today??

[6:41:14 PM] chris: nope

[6:41:19 PM] nisya aziz: everyday is just d same

[6:41:37 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz u just b in ur comfort zone

[6:41:46 PM] nisya aziz: no adventure in life

[6:41:55 PM] chris: i have had plenty of adventure

[6:42:04 PM] chris: you have gone back to thinking its about me and what i want

[6:42:11 PM] nisya aziz: u just choose 1 straight way 4 ur whole life

[6:42:11 PM] chris: i dont want anything

[6:42:23 PM] chris: if i dont want anything, then why should i live ?

[6:42:30 PM] nisya aziz: yeah

[6:42:34 PM] nisya aziz: y should u??

[6:42:42 PM] chris: you want things

[6:42:50 PM] chris: you want a bf, marrage family etc

[6:42:55 PM] nisya aziz: i want 2 do many things in my life

[6:43:00 PM] chris: you have a reason to live

[6:43:04 PM] nisya aziz: i want 2 have my own adventure

[6:43:06 PM] chris: you want

[6:43:08 PM] chris: i dont want

[6:43:12 PM] nisya aziz: i want 2 live my life

[6:43:23 PM] nisya aziz: n y should u??

[6:43:35 PM] nisya aziz: u dont want anything

[6:43:44 PM] chris: yep

[6:43:45 PM] nisya aziz: then y should u live??

[6:43:50 PM] chris: not wanting anything means no ego

[6:44:05 PM] nisya aziz: nope

[6:44:10 PM] chris: yet it is not so easy to just suicide

[6:44:11 PM] nisya aziz: absolutely wrong

[6:44:29 PM] nisya aziz: u have ur own ego

[6:44:46 PM] nisya aziz: u denied wat im said 2 u

[6:44:54 PM] nisya aziz: dats an ego

[6:45:04 PM] nisya aziz: u dont want 2 live ur life

[6:45:08 PM] nisya aziz: dats another ego

[6:45:19 PM] nisya aziz: u dont want 2 mix with ppl

[6:45:24 PM] nisya aziz: another ego

[6:45:43 PM] nisya aziz: u dont appreciate ppl who love or will love u

[6:45:50 PM] nisya aziz: another big of ego

[6:46:07 PM] nisya aziz: u dont believe in God

[6:46:12 PM] nisya aziz: another big ego

[6:46:35 PM] nisya aziz: u think wat u believe n thought is always right

[6:46:40 PM] nisya aziz: another big ego

[6:47:00 PM] nisya aziz: n who said u dont have any ego??

[6:47:14 PM] nisya aziz: u r 1 egoistic man

[6:47:17 PM] nisya aziz: n i admit

[6:47:23 PM] nisya aziz: im an egoistic

[6:47:25 PM] chris: ego is thinking of oneself

[6:47:40 PM] chris: doing things in the interest of oneself

[6:47:53 PM] chris: pride

[6:47:54 PM] nisya aziz: n doesnt it match with wat i have listed above??

[6:48:02 PM] nisya aziz: u hold ur pride

[6:48:17 PM] nisya aziz: uphold ur believe n thoughts

[6:48:18 PM] chris: nope, not proud at all

[6:48:29 PM] chris: i believe them because it is logic

[6:48:37 PM] chris: logic will never fail you in maths

[6:48:44 PM] chris: so why would it anything else

[6:48:45 PM] nisya aziz: ego doesnt mean u need 2 b proud

[6:48:56 PM] nisya aziz: of urself

[6:49:35 PM] nisya aziz: u believe it

[6:49:55 PM] nisya aziz: n u try 2 prove wat u believe is right

[6:50:13 PM] nisya aziz: n others r wrong

[6:50:36 PM] nisya aziz: doesnt it an ego kind of attitude??

[6:51:40 PM] chris: well i can proove the things i say are right

[6:51:46 PM] chris: can you?

[6:51:55 PM] nisya aziz: i can

[6:52:29 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz i have d prove

~~sya taw bukti itu wujud..cuma sya xpasti bukti terbaik yg blh bg kat dia n..i want 2 prove dat al-quran is d source of sciences, God is exist, n life should b appreciate..can anybody help me, please??

there's d conversation dat i had with him b4 in the previous2 entry..

please3x..really want 2 prove those 3 things to him..

tq 4 ur help.. :)

p/s: slmt hr rye..maaf zahir batin..

sometimes a song is not just a song..

dis song is actually in a different language (means not in english)..and 1 of my friends keep listening 2 dis song repeatedly..and it makes me wonder, wat is actually it means until it becomes so special to him..so i just figured it out..and wow, it turns up with a very good lyric..very meaningful..especially on d last paragraph when it says " you're stepping on the burning charcoal barefoot..and you keep walking.."..it has a soft spot for me there..

O RE PIYA - Aaja nachle

o re piyaa haaye o re piyaa... (O beloved...)

uRne lagaa kyon man baawlaa re (Oh, why did my crazy soul begin to fly?)

aayaa kahaa.n se yah ho.nslaa re (Oh, where did this courage come from?)

o re piyaa o re piyaa haaye (O beloved...)

taanaa-baanaa taanaa-baanaa buntii hawaa haaye buntii hawaa (The breeze teases and taunts me, oh, the breeze plays havoc with me.)

buu.nde.n bhii to aaye nahii.n baaz yahaa.n (Even the raindrops won't shower here again.)

saazish me.n shaamil saaraa jahaa.n hai (The whole world is part of the intrigue.)

har zarre zarre ki yah intezaar hai (I never stop waiting.)

o re piyaa (O beloved!)

o re piyaa haaye o re piyaa haaye (O beloved...)

o re piyaa (O beloved!)

  

nazare.n bole.n duniyaa bole (The glances are telling, the world is telling)

dil kii zabaan haaye dil kii zabaan (the story of my heart, oh, the story of my heart.)

ishq maa.nge ishq chaahe koii tuufaan (Love prays, love wishes for a hurricane.)

chalnaa aahiste ishq nayaa hai (A new love slowly walks in.)

pahalaa yah waadaa ham ne kiyaa hai (This is the first promise we gave.)

  

na.nge pairo.n pe a.ngaro.n chaltii rahii haaye chaltii rahii (You were stepping on burning charcoal barefoot, oh, you kept walking.)

lagtaa hai ke gairo.n me.n me.n paltii rahii haaye (Oh, it seems that you were brought up among strangers.)

le chal wahaa.n jo mulk teraa hai (Take me to your country.)

zaahil zamaanaa dushman meraa hai haaye (Oh, the cruel world is my enemy.)

o re piyaa haaye o re piyaa haaye... (O beloved...)

~~~i just love the last paragraph, honestly..it just like the world is the burning charcoal..and we step on it barefootedly..n watever happen, we just need to keep going on walking..ti reach our destination and enjoying the journey..even it is hurting, but that is the risk of life..even we want 2 keep on walking or go back, our feet still feeling the pain from the burning charcoal..n that is LIFE..

learning about others..what he's thinking n believe..

[8/2/2010 6:14:48 PM] nisya aziz: mind if i ask u something personal??
[8/2/2010 6:16:02 PM] chris: Ok
[8/2/2010 6:16:09 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:16:37 PM] nisya aziz: u dant believe in God, right??
[8/2/2010 6:16:46 PM] chris: No
[8/2/2010 6:17:03 PM] nisya aziz: so wat do u think about how things happen in life??
[8/2/2010 6:18:49 PM] chris: Not very important
[8/2/2010 6:19:48 PM] nisya aziz: sorry if my questions offend u
[8/2/2010 6:19:54 PM] chris: Nope
[8/2/2010 6:20:10 PM] nisya aziz: im just curious 2 know more about ur thinking
[8/2/2010 6:20:33 PM] nisya aziz: u r different
[8/2/2010 6:20:34 PM] chris: I think its likely u have some other life when u die
[8/2/2010 6:21:03 PM] chris: Maybe u live the life of everyone and everything one at a time
[8/2/2010 6:21:11 PM] nisya aziz: so u believe about being reborn??
[8/2/2010 6:21:16 PM] chris: No
[8/2/2010 6:21:24 PM] nisya aziz: then??
[8/2/2010 6:21:24 PM] chris: Just think its likely
[8/2/2010 6:21:32 PM] nisya aziz: oowh..ok
[8/2/2010 6:21:40 PM] chris: I dont believe in anything untill its proven
[8/2/2010 6:22:13 PM] chris: But i dont think god is likely
[8/2/2010 6:22:14 PM] nisya aziz: how bout things dat happening in life??
[8/2/2010 6:22:29 PM] nisya aziz: fate??
[8/2/2010 6:22:41 PM] chris: Fate is a paradox
[8/2/2010 6:23:01 PM] chris: We can choose what we do
[8/2/2010 6:23:13 PM] chris: But we are products of our environment
[8/2/2010 6:24:47 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:24:51 PM] nisya aziz: interesting
[8/2/2010 6:25:20 PM] nisya aziz: but wat u mean  by we r product of our environment??
[8/2/2010 6:25:30 PM] nisya aziz: can u elaborate dat??
[8/2/2010 6:25:55 PM] chris: Your experiences will influence your thinking and ultimaltly your actions
[8/2/2010 6:26:13 PM] chris: You cant choose all your experiences
[8/2/2010 6:26:20 PM] chris: Like where u came from
[8/2/2010 6:26:28 PM] chris: Your family
[8/2/2010 6:26:33 PM] chris: Your body
[8/2/2010 6:26:54 PM] chris: What u look like
[8/2/2010 6:27:14 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:27:26 PM] nisya aziz: how bout heaven n hell??
[8/2/2010 6:27:38 PM] nisya aziz: do u believe it??
[8/2/2010 6:27:48 PM] chris: No
[8/2/2010 6:28:35 PM] chris: I belive whats in the universe
[8/2/2010 6:28:42 PM] nisya aziz: but people said every deeds done have the rewards
[8/2/2010 6:28:52 PM] nisya aziz: such as??
[8/2/2010 6:29:07 PM] chris: So if u are good to someone
[8/2/2010 6:29:17 PM] chris: Maybe when you live their life
[8/2/2010 6:29:30 PM] chris: U get the reward
[8/2/2010 6:29:47 PM] chris: If u kill someone.. U wll be the victim next
[8/2/2010 6:29:50 PM] chris: Who knows
[8/2/2010 6:29:59 PM] chris: But i dont believe in heaven and hell
[8/2/2010 6:30:27 PM] chris: And as for the universe there are 100 billion galaxies out there
[8/2/2010 6:30:47 PM] chris: We can never see all of it
[8/2/2010 6:31:19 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:31:23 PM] chris: Ther is definatly life there
[8/2/2010 6:32:15 PM] nisya aziz: u cant c d galaxies
[8/2/2010 6:32:23 PM] nisya aziz: but u believe it there
[8/2/2010 6:32:40 PM] nisya aziz: d same goes with heaven n hell
[8/2/2010 6:32:41 PM] chris: U can see many of them
[8/2/2010 6:32:53 PM] nisya aziz: u cant c them
[8/2/2010 6:33:06 PM] nisya aziz: but y dont u believe its existence??
[8/2/2010 6:33:33 PM] chris: U can see pics of them on the net
[8/2/2010 6:33:39 PM] chris: Of couse u can see them
[8/2/2010 6:33:44 PM] chris: They are real
[8/2/2010 6:33:48 PM] chris: We live in one
[8/2/2010 6:34:29 PM] nisya aziz: ok
[8/2/2010 6:34:40 PM] nisya aziz: answers accepted
[8/2/2010 6:34:44 PM] nisya aziz: hehehe
[8/2/2010 6:35:05 PM] nisya aziz: n wat do u think about d living things??
[8/2/2010 6:35:06 PM] chris: Life is a biological chemical reaction
[8/2/2010 6:35:31 PM] chris: It can happen on a planet with the right conditions
[8/2/2010 6:35:32 PM] nisya aziz: bcoz all d religions claims God made them
[8/2/2010 6:36:06 PM] chris: Science can explain how life started
[8/2/2010 6:36:18 PM] chris: But it cant explain conscience
[8/2/2010 6:36:28 PM] chris: Conscienceness
[8/2/2010 6:36:37 PM] nisya aziz: such as??
[8/2/2010 6:37:16 PM] chris: Thinking and death etc
[8/2/2010 6:38:08 PM] nisya aziz: so wat do believe about those conscienceness??
[8/2/2010 6:38:23 PM] chris: Dont know
[8/2/2010 6:38:23 PM] nisya aziz: *wat do u believe
[8/2/2010 6:38:37 PM] chris: I dont belive anything
[8/2/2010 6:38:40 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:39:01 PM] chris: I only belive the things science proves
[8/2/2010 6:39:47 PM] chris: I dont fear hell or god
[8/2/2010 6:40:17 PM] chris: I think religions  started as a scam
[8/2/2010 6:40:17 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:40:21 PM] chris: They still scam ppl
[8/2/2010 6:40:38 PM] nisya aziz: but sometimes science also make mistakes
[8/2/2010 6:40:48 PM] chris: Like?
[8/2/2010 6:40:50 PM] nisya aziz: clone for example
[8/2/2010 6:40:59 PM] chris: What about clones?
[8/2/2010 6:41:49 PM] nisya aziz: they try 2 make life
[8/2/2010 6:41:59 PM] nisya aziz: but they couldnt
[8/2/2010 6:41:59 PM] chris: Plants are cloned to make the same medicine
[8/2/2010 6:42:04 PM] nisya aziz: n even they did
[8/2/2010 6:42:10 PM] nisya aziz: it's not natural
[8/2/2010 6:42:33 PM] chris: Animals have been clones
[8/2/2010 6:42:38 PM] nisya aziz: yeah, plants cloning is a succeess
[8/2/2010 6:42:48 PM] nisya aziz: but not animals
[8/2/2010 6:42:55 PM] nisya aziz: they died
[8/2/2010 6:42:55 PM] chris: They sure have
[8/2/2010 6:43:13 PM] nisya aziz: they r not like d natural ones
[8/2/2010 6:43:26 PM] chris: You might be surprised how advaned it is now
[8/2/2010 6:43:40 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:43:46 PM] nisya aziz: give me a prove
[8/2/2010 6:43:49 PM] chris: In south korea you can get your pet cloned
[8/2/2010 6:44:08 PM] chris: There are companies that do it comercially
[8/2/2010 6:44:34 PM] chris: That has been happening for years
[8/2/2010 6:44:43 PM] nisya aziz: did d animals live as long as d original ones??
[8/2/2010 6:44:53 PM] chris: I dont know
[8/2/2010 6:45:24 PM] nisya aziz: as long as i concern,
[8/2/2010 6:45:58 PM] nisya aziz: there still many weaknesses in making a non-original life
[8/2/2010 6:46:03 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:46:24 PM] chris: Im sure there is
[8/2/2010 6:47:02 PM] nisya aziz: dats wat i said as "sciences also make mistakes"
[8/2/2010 6:47:27 PM] chris: People make mistakes
[8/2/2010 6:47:36 PM] nisya aziz: yup
[8/2/2010 6:47:37 PM] chris: Science is simply fact
[8/2/2010 6:47:52 PM] nisya aziz: ppl make mistakes
[8/2/2010 6:47:53 PM] nisya aziz: :)
[8/2/2010 6:47:58 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:48:08 PM] nisya aziz: how bout ghosts
[8/2/2010 6:48:17 PM] nisya aziz: u believe it??
[8/2/2010 6:48:21 PM] chris: No
[8/2/2010 6:48:35 PM] chris: Imagine how many people have lived and died
[8/2/2010 6:49:00 PM] chris: Ghosts would be everywhere if they were real
[8/2/2010 6:49:15 PM] chris: There would be so many of them u wouldnt be able to move
[8/2/2010 6:50:09 PM] nisya aziz: but they r invisible
[8/2/2010 6:50:26 PM] nisya aziz: n they r everywhere
[8/2/2010 6:50:36 PM] nisya aziz: dats wat ppl told me
[8/2/2010 6:50:52 PM] chris: Right
[8/2/2010 6:51:20 PM] chris: I wonder how they know
[8/2/2010 6:51:58 PM] nisya aziz: there's some research made about it
[8/2/2010 6:52:26 PM] chris: U can research zombies too
[8/2/2010 6:52:31 PM] nisya aziz: they prove d existences of ghost with the wave
[8/2/2010 6:52:32 PM] chris: Doesnt make them real
[8/2/2010 6:52:36 PM] nisya aziz: frequency
[8/2/2010 6:52:40 PM] chris: Nah
[8/2/2010 6:52:59 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:53:04 PM] nisya aziz: :)
[8/2/2010 6:53:15 PM] chris: Theres no machine that can find ghosts
[8/2/2010 6:53:25 PM] chris: Or the whole world would know about it
[8/2/2010 6:53:32 PM] nisya aziz: hehehe
[8/2/2010 6:53:58 PM] nisya aziz: ppl would willing 2 buy it even it costs thousands
[8/2/2010 6:54:02 PM] nisya aziz: hahahaha
[8/2/2010 6:54:33 PM] chris: Yes u dont want ghosts in your house
[8/2/2010 6:54:49 PM] chris: That would be annoying
[8/2/2010 6:55:05 PM] nisya aziz: hehehe
[8/2/2010 6:55:07 PM] nisya aziz: right
[8/2/2010 6:55:18 PM] nisya aziz: couldnt agree more
[8/2/2010 6:55:32 PM] nisya aziz: emm..
[8/2/2010 6:55:44 PM] chris: Scary stories about ghosts and hell

~~here is some of the conversation when i chatted with a person who is an atheist..just want to know his thinking about his believe..it is interesting to know and learn about what others think about what we believe..everybody has his/her own faith..in my opinion, we cant say which one is the right one..just keep it in us..silence faith..whatever it is, im glad that Islam teach me everythig.. :)

we are in so many varieties in this world, which make it so colourful..dont be a prejudice to anybody, because everyone is special..learn about them, knowing them is a great lesson for life.. :)

another observation: clever kids..so cute..

"mommy..you cannot stand too close too the tv..teacher said it is bad for your eyes"

"i need tissues..i want to wipe my face..im not pretty anymore" (because there's some cheese n sauces on her face after she ate her sandwich)

"no..u shouldnt do like that..put it here..see..butterfly" (doing puzzle)

"daisy said when we make mistakes, we should say sorry..when we want to sneeze, we should say 'excuse me'.."

i always wonder why kids here are so clever and 'petah' (very clever in talking)..and i also made this observation..and this is what i found out..

1. from infant, the parents will read to them bedtime stories..so this habit will trigger their mind..especially kids in age 1-3..they easily can absorb what they hear..here is a prove that i can rely on my observation..

• Brain development that takes place prenatally and in the first year of life is more rapid and extensive than previously suspected;
• Brain development is much more vulnerable to environmental influence than we ever suspected;
• The influence of early environment on brain development is long lasting;
• The environment affects not only the number of brain cells and number of connections among them, but also the way these connections are "wired;"

source from: Carnegie Task Force on Meeting the Needs of Young Children, Starting Points, 1994

a simple bedtime stories has a huge impact on children's learning..they even put the story books on the bed sometimes so the child can take a look on the picture every time they want to..start to read you children now.. :)

2. the parents here also provide the kids with the kid's tv program which contain with education thing..they teach their children to watch this program since they are really young..so indirectly, the children will learn by themselves  through this environment..and make them know the language faster..

3. the parents are so encouraging..they will play with the kids and within the same time they will teach them simple things..for example : the father wanted to teach the children how to plant a plant..so they went to the backyard and they did it together..it was a playtime to the kids because they were enjoying it..she also learning by doing it herself..they didnt afraid to be dirty as long as they are learning..and then the father told the kids what will happen to the plant..~~this thing really happen when i became a nanny at one of the families here..but what i realize is, they didnt teach the children science, math, or the formal academic things..they just teach the children about something in life..simple things..because they know if they give stress too much on these kids on their earlier stage, it will damage their brains..

4.quality time with the kids..even they are working, they still valueing their quality time with the family..weekend especially..

5. at the age 2, they already send their children to kindergarten..in Malaysia, we have nursery..but here, even at age 2, they also have the syllabus for them..means they are not just playing there or doing nothing..they also learning some simple things..how to go to toilet, how to eat properly, how to wash hands, how to make a sandwich, how to communicate with people, and many simple things but meaningful..

i think that was the reasons why the kids here are so clever..

yesterday is only a day..

yesterday morning, i woke up n get ready to go to work..but i want to go somewhere else first..but then everything turned upside down..i didnt go for it..but i ended up, being in my room, crying..

another test for me 2day..God, it's your will..i cant deny it..i even cant say no..but i need to accept it with an open heart..i should be thankful because my friends once said that You actually gives us the test because You still loves us..thank you Allah..

Allah, sesungguhnya hanya Kau yang mengerti apa yang ada dalam hati ini..Kau Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik untukku, hambaMu yang hina ini..seandainy benar dugaan ini adalah setitik dari kasih sayangMu, Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapinya..sayangilah hambamu ini..sekali aku terleka, Kau berikanlah peringatan kepada ku agar aku sentiasa waras dan sedar dengan kekuatan Mu..Kau izinkanlah pintu taubat terbuka untukku..

ya Allah..Kau tetapkanlah hati hambaMu ini ya Allah..tetapkanlah hatinya supaya sentiasa kuat mengingatMu..hanya Kau saja Yang Maha Pengasih dan Maha Pemurah ya Allah..janganlah Kau palingkan hatiku dari Mu dengan hanya sedikit goyahan dari dugaan Mu..aku merayu padaMu ya Allah, Kau kuatkanlah pegangan ku, cekalkanlah hatiku, lapangkanlah dadaku, tabahkanlah jiwaku dalam menghadapi sgala kemungkinan..utuhkanlah iman dan taqwaku..tinggikanlah maluku..

Allah, Kaulah tempat kumengadu..Kau memiliki lautan rezeki yang tak bertepi..berikanlah aku secedok rezeki dari lautan Mu..kurniakanlah aku rezeki sekadarnya agar aku tidak leka dengan nikmatMU..aku bersyukur dengan segala nikmat yang Kau berikan..

ya Allah, sesungguhnya Kau lah yang Maha Mendengar dan Pengkabul doa..aku berserah padaMu..

mistakes made..lesson learnt..

in life there have so many choices..in choosing the choices, do you realize any decision made is actually the best ones..it just how we facing whatever will happen..even people always say "choose the best one"..but if we think back, actually all the choices are the best..why i said so??because even we choose the wrong one, we still get something valuable..WE STILL CAN LEARN..yes, learn from mistakes is actually a really good learning process..

regret we made the mistakes, but then we learn to not to do it next time..so actually there's no regretting in making a bad decision..we can learn so much from our own mistakes..

and we didnt know what will happen next in our life..one mistake might create a huge difference in our life..the most importantly is how we need to learn and overcome the mistake that been done..THINK POSITIVE is the first think that we need to do..

i've made mistakes before..and people hate me because of that..but i have learnt so many lessons after that..first thing is who you can trust..what kind of friends that will stand by you no matter what..those who can stand beside you and become the ones who give their hand to hold when you are afraid..those who help you when you fall, and didnt stop giving you encouragement for you to stand up back, even there's the time when you just want to give up life..those who still at your side when the other people keep run away from you..those who know the truth about you..and those who can keep the secret when you said it is a secret..

and from that mistakes, i've learnt whatever happen is actually a lesson planned for us..only Allah knows what is the best for us and how we need to learn about life..we just need to think positively, not just give up..yeah, it's hard, very hard at first to stand up back after the fall..but put together all the strength you have, insya allah everything will be alright..have you heard that actually God tests us because He loves us??it is true..really true..i admit, before this i always forgot about Him..i just take all my responsibilities as a Muslimah very lightly n easily..but then, i've learnt my lesson that actually He wants me to come back to the right path via all the mistakes i've made..quite irony for me, but that is life..only Allah knows what is the best for us and how we can get the best thing..every choice made is actually has the best side of it even we thought that was the wrong one..

then most of all, family..most people forgot about family when they are in their comfort zone.."no..i didnt forget my family..i call them every week..i send money every month.."..but is that love??is it enough for the parents to receive call once a week just to say "hi mom..how are you??how about dad??sisters??brothers??ok, everything is fine..ok, mom..call you later"..but we can spend hours and hours on the phone or internet for our girlfriends and boyfriends that we get to know when we just reach our teenage age..but mom n dad, we know them since we are born..they are the first people celebrated and welcomed us to the world..actually, the same went with me..but then i've learnt my lesson..anything happen to me, my family is the one who come first to support me..upside down, they will be there..always..actually they are the truly best friends ever..Abah, Mama..im so glad i have you two in my life..Angah, Uda, Kak Cik, Kakak..thanks for being the clown, the counselor, the nurse, the doctor, my best friends..you all are my everything.. :)

so, dont afraid if you made a mistake..it just one test from God to make you learn..be happy and think positively..at least, when you made the mistake, you know you shouldnt done it in the first place, and you will not repeat it again in your whole life..and most of all, you can tell everyone that actually Allah loves you, that's why He still gives you the chance to learn and live..so, chill!!! :)

p/s: think before you act..think about the consequences..and think positively..improve your live..everything will be fine :)