am i fit enough to be a teacher??

there one thing dat some people afraid in their life..BEING ALONE..yesterday, i just found out how was the feeling when we feel lonely, it just like that u r the only person dat alive at a place,being left..there's no people around u, empty room, u can even hear the echos of ur slippers as u step around,have nowhere t go,no one to talk to,and.....u feel bored..no wonder people afraid of being alone..because loneliness will lead to emptiness..u will ponder and wonder everything dat happened@will happen in ur life..then, everything will seem wrong..this will lead to stress..and this kind of feelings also can make u do things out of ur normal mind..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sometimes, we just want to be ourselves without someone told us what should we do @ what shouldn't..i just want to be me..but some how, when i did what i want to do,( something bad for other people,maybe ) , at the moment i did it, i just want to do it..but after that, i will feel guilty and bad for myself..i m bad..m i??huhuhu..yeah,i know if i asked people around me,"m i a bad girl?", of coz they "no, u r not"..(or maybe only aza n kucing will said "yes u r!!!"..i know they r 'innocent' and 'honest'..just like kids )..but it just ca'nt convince me..i did a lot of bad things in my life and yes,i regret it..i want to change and be a good girl..but i just can't help myself when sometimes i was too stubborn to listen to other people's opinions and advice..just on dat time..then i will regret,"why i just can't follow what people say which is for my own good?"..for example, going out late at night..sometimes i just want to release out all the tensed that i have inside of me by wondering around at night..looking at people..gasping the night air is one of my own ways to release all the tension that i have..i know, it is dangerous for a girl and people always said that a girl who is hanging around late at night is a bad girl..but, sometimes i will said "can i have my own way of life??"...but the after day that, i will feel bad that i have done that bad thing and make people think that i m a bad girl..hey, wake up!!u r going to be a teacher,girl..u need to behave like a teacher, walk like a teacher,sit like a teacher,eat like a teacher,talk like a teacher,sleep like a teacher,and everything need to be like-a-teacher things..yaa..yaa..i am a future teacher..or suppose i say a teacher-wannabe??teacher can't be a bad girl who did bad things because a teacher suppose to an idol for other people..a teacher should be a nobel person and nearly perfect human being..ask urself,girl.."AM I QUALIFIED TO BE A TEACHER???"..qualified not only in academics, but also from each angles that u can sort out what should a teacher be/like..

is dis life??

story 1

on 2nd January 2009, i went to my mom's school to help her at KOPERASI SDAHA during d registration day form 1..i was in charge d registration for ex-student SK Bandar Pontian ( my primary school )..everything was ok..but around 1pm when we were ready to close the kaunter, there's a makcik came to me and said,"dik..akak nk beli brg keperluan asas je dulu..boleh x??" as usual i told her dat we already packaged all d needs for d students in one, including their formal sports attire, name tag, books, files, and headcount book ( or also called as buku penilaian markah ). but,this is her reply which touched me deep inside and made me realized something about life.."dik,akak bwk rm50 je utk daftar kan ank akak n..2 je la yg ayh dia bg sbb akak ada 8 owg lg bg sekolah..sowg dpt rm50 je"emm..how to pay rm 120.10 fee with rm50 only??i felt bad coz i cant help her..thank God the Koperasi have 'dana' to help those people like this..somehow, it make me think more bout life..i will never,never forget the situation..just like what my mom said,"u just found 1 today..later,when u bcome a teacher there will be more than u expect u will find n meet.." i wish i can help those people like this..but,d big question is,CAN I HELP THEM??HOW??


story 2

as i told before, my grandpa is ill and has been warded for 2-3 weeks..n i've been 'nursing' him almost of d time..opps!!at d 1st time i need 2 change his diapers, i was shivering..i just couldnt believe myself doing it..a lot n a lot of things i learnt from those moment..during dis time, chirldren r very important 2 b with their old parents..n a saying said dat parents can take care of 10 children but when they r getting older,10 children cant sure that they can take care of their parents..God,please dont let me b a child who 4get my parents when they need me to take care of them..


story 3

there's a fwen of mine, Hanz ( bukan nama sebenar ) is a boy,( or can i say a guy??)..a good looking guy..his parents went to perform their haj..he left with his sisters..but,he impressed me because i think he did his best..n i think it's not too much if i say dat he is a very responsible man..even he needed to go to pasar n bought some groceries just like a woman always do..he's willing to drop his ego to do all d houseworks bcoz he knew his responsibilities..Hanz, for me u r a real man, not only a good looking guy..but also a good boy (even sometimes u r naughty)..

i hope who ever read dis can get d message dat i want to say even im writing with a lot of grammatical errors..

ipp..here we come..!!!

im glad to see all my friends are here to continue our degree..welcome back to all..hope we do more this year...

a million thanks to all d lecturers:
mr g, mdm rovena, mdm rock, mr teoh, mdm ong, miss loke, mdm lee, miss patricia, mr goh, mr chu, mr ratna, mdm maria, and all d other lecturers who gave us any single word of any lesson that we can use in our life,either directly or indirectly..

a warm welcome i bid to all my cohort mates including me,myself to dis our beloved ipp and hope we all together can proceed to the next stage in mcquarie..hope we can gain and grab everything as much as we can..

farid, ulwi, farhad, amir, chris, pd, hafiz, razeen, helmi, gjol, yus, afiq, faiz, rini, aisah, bahijah, shamas, ain, nuhan, akma, kak nad, kak jen, anis, atiq, syamim, maisyarah, farah, meen, asrin,zawa, zahida, qeela, yeen, masu, reen, alia, nana, aza, iewa, shuwoan, mira, noli, syu, mira, noni, nisya, khalijah, juraidah, myra, dya, mimi, tracy, wan xing, tian way, sarah, meithikda...

it's nearly 2 years now..there's too many other name dat we give each other..not to insult, just to be more close with each other...

aza - mental,gigi besi( ex-gigi besi now), kobis @ cabbage
mira tesl 2 - kucing
mira tesl 1 - rabbit
zawa - kodok
helmi - black sheep, angel
hafiz - fairy, kayu manis
pd - nenas
chris - cina mabok
zawa - kodok
anis - kechik, siput
amir - lipas
ain - koya
anisah - nise, sundae cone
farhad - baby
syu - doraemon
noni - chubby
asrin - a.b.c ( asrin budak chubby), butterfly, loudspeaker, she
rini - ayam
noli - penguin
gjol - dva malatoop, paparazzi
khalijah - khojah
juraidah - jurey
kak nad - senior citizen
razaini - kak jen, jenny
zahidah - cicak
alia - tapir, pinky
bahijah - bebeh
and me,nisya - bulbasaur @ bulb-ba-sour( or u can pronounce it as bulb-besar ) hahaha...

huhuhu..we have so much fun..but if ever anybody 'terasa' with me, i beg ur thousand apologies..forgive me please... :)

cuti-cuti malaysia~part 2

having fun at a famosa resort water park..



line up please..open ur hand..ic please..



it's me,my mom,n my sis..



last pose after sliding at high speed slide..



what happened la to my bro n...



one of the houses in tmn mini malaysia..



somebody wants to blow out his own head..frustrating..???



model of menara taming sari..huahuahua..



hahaha..dis 1 i dont know how 2 describe it..gedix..hahaha

time : 25th - 27th of December 2008
venue : Malacca
staying at : malacca straits resort
rate : RM 1++ per nite

comments: this is the real holiday..having fun with people i love most..

cuti-cuti malaysia~part1

lata tembakah,terengganu..




terengganu's flood..

take a break at the beach..let's fly together..

nothing much dat i tell here..flood,shopping at rantau panjang,pengkalan kubu, and kota bahru, went to see monsoon cup at k.t, and celebrating aidiladha there with my dad's family..then at 14th Dicember,we need to rush back to Johor as my grandpa is ill..

he's ill...??

on 13th December, we've (my family and me) got the news dat my mom's dad,my grandpa is ill,till now..so on 14th, we rushed back to johor..at first, we planned to go to KL..but,i need to sacrifice my audition..just afraid if i cant see him anymore..
within around 12hours, we arrived at Kg Prt Dato, pontian,johor..oh my God!!i just cant believe he is my grandpa dat i left one week previously..one week..only one week and he became like that..unable 2 move, when i kissed his hand,it's cold..unable to talk,just move his eyelids as a sign for everything he wanted to say..until now,he still laying on d bed..thank God now he can speak again..but still cant move his legs coz of gout..still laying on the bed..
God,please give him health till he can see me as a teacher..he told me once dat he wants me to b just like my mom..dat is my hope even most of them said he has no chance to live longer..i just want him as my beloved grandpa who always took me to the shop to buy me 'jajan' and 'biskut aiskrim' and brought me around the village with his 'motor kapcai' during my childhood..i love him..no matter what..

1st post in malay..??

I

di tengah sepi yang membingit
melihat muka dan rupa yang kutahu
tapi tidak kukenal
mereka mengendahkan diriku
tapi dalam masa yang sama
aku di pinggiran
aku mencari
namun tiada erti
aku mengagau
namun kelihatan seolah aku hanya mengigau
di tengah lautan manusia
aku keseorangan
di tepi sungai yang tiada siapa
aku berteman
memerhati diri sendiri
muhasabah, menginsafi
betapa sekiranya
ketika aku berteman,aku keseorangan
ketika aku keseorangan,aku berteman

II

benarkan aku berkata
aku adalah aku
yang bukan sesiapa
aku hanya aku
tanpa apa-apa
kau tak perlu kata apa
biarkan hanya aku yang berkata
kerana hanya aku yang berhak
atas diriku sendiri
pura-puramu hanya mainan
yang kononnya faham dan mengerti
aku berdiri hingga hari ini
jatuh duduk bangun ku
kau hanya memandang
payah aku juga

~kusha~

dsbbkan sjak n in malay,so post n pn in malay la ek..just ttarik ngn dis sjak sbb ble sya bce seolah2 trasa diri sendri dibawa masuk as d persona dlm sjak 2..dlm part I 2,kdg2 kte akan alami keadaan cm 2 kan..kt kat tgh2 rmai org,tp kt rse sunyi sgt..kt ada kwn,tp kt rse lonely..rs cm ada smthg yg kosong..dat's y ble kt sowg2 2,sebaik2 ny kt ingt2 blk n muhasabah dri blk kan..mgkn ada yg kt tlpe..dari 1 view yg lain lak,sjak n cm nk bgtaw yg owg yg wat sjak n msh tcari2 kawan,rakan,sahabat,@ teman sejati lg.."ketika aku berteman,aku keseorangan"..ada something yg penulis n nk bgtaw tp dia berselindung..seems dia lbh suka berahsia..kwn2 dia cme kawan yang hanya ketawa bersme tp bkn sahabat yg diperlukan sebenar2 nya..seolah2 dia merintih yang dia diketepikan..
sjak dia yg ke2 lak,dia menegakkn ego..dia menegaskan yg dia cme mahu mjd drinya sendri..dan dia n gak cm bg warning kat org lain jgn wat persepc tntg diri dia..sbb bg dia,xde owg yg btl2 knl dan fhm dia kcuali diri dia sndr..

sya tertarik dgn sjak kusha n sbb dpt rse jujur dia dlm sjaknya..siapa kusha??ntah la..xpnh lak dgr nme dia b4 n..really intrested nk knl ngn dia sbb sya pnh rse apa yg dia rse..kdg2 kt mnutup hijab kt sndr xnk knal siapa kte sbnr ny..apatah lg nk bg owg lain knl kte spnuh ny..mybe sbb 2 kdg2 kt rse tpinggir..just b urself,but if cant,b a person dat can make other people happy..