crush and crash

a lot of things happened since i posted my previous post..

mfest --> mgm --> grace hotel --> shangri la hotel

semua ny dance performance..as expected, kat sydney mesti byk peluang to dance more..i love it.. :))

try to remember back, d 1st moment i was joining dance..it just because of it was a cool thing to do and syesly i wanted to be famous that time..well, biasalah kan, masa remaja..huhuhu..and of coz dat time my family didnt approve it..i was rebellious..d more they forbid me, d more i become wild..hahaha..pity my parents that time..i made they cried a lot..what a bad girl.. :(
*mama, abah..im sorry..**

now, here i am at sydney..thank God He still give me another chance to live and correct my mistakes as far as i can, coz i cant turn back time..the difference now and then is now, my parents have my back in everything i do, including dancing..they started to accept it since i was in sabah..im glad..tq mama..tq abah..they never have the chance to come lively at my performance so far, but each time i perform, they, especially mama will ask "ada record x??mama nk tgok.." and since i was started to wear scarf, mama and abah always remind me "menari 2 menari jgk..tp tudung pakai, jgn bukak..sia2 je.." hehehe..syg mama..i will always remember..

when i've been joining dancing for a long time, dancing become my passion..especially malay tradisional dance..i feel like this is my responsibilities to mantain the culture..not only mantain, i want to implement it in my generation and the future generation..im not the best dancer, im not a great one..but i have this dream of opening a dance studio, just to teach tradisional dance to kids and teens maybe for free or they can pay how much they want to..mama said it could be an alternative way to prevent these youngsters to 'melepak' doing nothing..or maybe i can mix with some of modern dance to attract them..that's why im trying to learn as much as i can here in sydney..i really hope this dream can be true 1 day.. (in that case, i need to find a husband who has a same interest with me in dancing..hehehe..or he might not be a dancer, but as long as he can support me, i'll be thankful enough)

i started become a choreographer when i was studying in ipgm kampus pulau pinang..my first opportunity is to teach students at school..then, share my knowledge with my friends at college..we enjoyed our moment there..and then here in sydney, i got the opportunity to choreograph for malaysian festival at tumbalong park, darling harbour..it was a really great opportunity even i made a mistake by starting the practice late so some of the routine been cancelled because we didnt have much time to practice it as some of the dancers are first time dancing..but i was a bit regret..because i tend to compete with another person..i was not sincere with my intention..and it turned out upside-down bcoz i feel miserable..competition is good, but i just feel wrong this time..it just like i was not thankful enough with the opportunity i have..

whatever it is..i want to dance more..but i think my time is nearly finish..maybe this 2 years in sydney will be my last years in dancing..maybe after this i will be teaching and sharing my lil knowledge with somebody else..maybe..God's will..insya allah.. :))

precious things dat i miss

shuffling the pictures in my laptop 2 c which ones dat i should bring 2 d "intercultural performance project" next meeting make me feel homesick..i miss all of them..my Abah, Mama, sisters n brother, Tok Mak n Tok Bah cousins, aunties n uncles, Nik Zaiton, and all of them in Malaysia..

i want 2 go back 2 Malaysia!!!please somebody support 4 d flight.. :'(

Mama,
i miss ur masak lemak cili padi, nasi goreng tom yam, udang sweet sour..i miss ur 'bebelan'..i miss 2 hear stories from u while we r cooking 2gether at d kitchen..i miss 2 c u playing d computer games n getting frustrated when u lost..i miss u very much..

Abah,
i miss 2 hear ur advice..i miss 2 hear ur calm voice reciting d prays during d solat jemaah..i miss ur jokes n laughs..i miss ur voice saying "Along..g bg mkn ayam jap"..i miss ur request 4 anything dat i can cook 4 u..i miss u very much..

Angah,
i miss ur voice singing..i miss ur hairy legs, but u still wearing shorts..i miss 'kutuk' ur mcdonald-hair..i miss having fight with u..i miss 2 share stories with u..i miss u so much..

Uda,
i miss 2 share stories with u..i miss 2 nag u all day..i miss 2 get mad at ur laziness..i miss our dressing time..i miss 2 watch movies with u..i miss 2 shout 2 call u come out from ur room..i miss u very much..

kak Chik,
i miss 2 'membebel' at u..i miss 2 look at u playing with the chicken..i miss 2 catch u and tickle u all over..i miss 2 bite u..i miss it when u pull face over me..i miss 2 'kerah' u do d works..i miss u very much..i miss ur mispronounce of 'r'..

Kakak,
i miss 2 tickle u..i miss 2 hear ur stories..i miss 2 'mengajuk' ur stories..i miss 2 hear u sing with a wrong lyrics..i miss ur dirty face when u play with d mud n sands..i miss ur cry..i miss u very much..

I MISS MY FAMILY VERY MUCH..

alkisah tsbut la satu cerita..

lame dh update blog kan..hehehe..hr n sya ingin bcerita..ad sowg bdk n..dia tjtuh cnta ngn sowg bdk llaki n..lme dh, n diowg pnh la 'bpsangan'..tp ada bdai yg dtg mybbkan mrka xshaluan dh..ad sesuatu yg drhsiakan shgga skrg yg mybbkan bdai 2 dtg..tp itu adlh 1 krugian yg tramat bg dat girl as she still love dat guy..tp klw dia nk ckp pn cm dh xde gune..sbb dia sndiri yg cari nahas..nk djdkan cter ny..dis girl tpksa mnhan prsaan hti sbb tkut kecewa n mgecewakan, wlaupun she's alrdy disappointed with herself..
then after dat they bcome friends back, without any feelings..tp sbnr ny dis girl still love him very much, n she's willing 2 wait until dat guy can forgive her..dlm tmpoth 2 byk kali dis girl nk tgur dis guy tp dia xmmpu..she's afraid yg dis guy hate her..n she knows there's only 10% of chance 4 her utk blik smula ngn dat guy..so within d terms, byk kali dia nmpk dat guy lalu d dpn mte, tp she's afraid 2 say hi..afraid if dat guy just ignore her n shut her up..byk kali dis girl nk cll, tp xjd..ltak smula phone..byk kali dis girl taip mesej pjg bjela utk dat guy, but at last xntr pn msj 2..bkurun dok dlm phone as draft, but xpnh msuk sent box, n at last deleted..pnh dis girl beristikharah..tp jwpn yg dia dpt ialah penantian..n dis girl trus mnanti shgga 1day ad jwpn lain utk dia..
pnh ada owg ckp kat dis girl, y bcome so idiot 2 wait 4 him yg trang2 dh xnk kat dia..tp she just said "i dont know how n why..i just do"..tp scara jujur ny, dis girl xskuat mn..kdg2 dia sndri pn ragu2 ngn kputusan yg dia wat..sbb dia xpnh wat a decision like dat..but she knows dat someday she will get d answer..so she just keep waiting 4 d answer..even it will take a period of 2,3 years..kdg2 dia pn trse bodoh gak sbnr ny sbb dia taw she just got a small chance, but she still put a big hope on it..it just like putting an egg on d tip of a lidi stick..
n sbnr ny dia ltih utk mnhan perasaan..rse cm nk kawin trus je ngn sape2..tp klw mcm 2, dia akn trus hilangkn d chance dat she got..n sbnr ny hti dia sgt tkunci rpt utk mn2 pluang besar yg lain yg dtg smata2 pluang yg sdkit yg dia ada 2..
emm..kesimpulan ny, dat is life..anything can happen..it just a chapter of her life yg xkeruan..

love is fake..false love??

Love is not love until love's vulnerable. She slowed to sigh, in that long interval.

Theodore Roethke

To love one person with a private love is poor and miserable: to love all is glorious.

Thomas Traherne

No man can love a second time the person whom he has once truly ceased to love.

Duc De La Rochefoucauld, François

If you can't be with the one you love, Love the one you're with.

Stephen Stills

You are wise, Or else you love not, for to be wise and love Exceeds man's might.

William Shakespeare

for me..LOVE IS HURT. when u love somebody,means u need to prepare to be hurt by him. Quarrel, fights, and anything can happen to your life..including prepare to loss the person that u love so much..auch..it's hurt..it will bleed till u forget how does u suffer because of it..

damn!!why i 'merepek' like dis?!but,really damn and stupid i am to keep him in my mind..im an idiot right??idiot because of him and my blind-love..why cant i see his true colour earlier??

ladies,

here i want to remind u..dont u ever love a guy 'full-heartily' because whenever he leave u, it will be hard for u to stand back..it will be the hardest period for u to build up ur confidence and strength..and the main thing is dont ever trust a man with 'sweet words'..those 'sweet words' that we,women@ladies@girls, like is the most dangerous thing in the world..more dangerous than any venom from any snake..trust me..because if a snake bite u, u will die (slowly or quickly depends to the type of the snake)..but if u have been 'bitten' by those 'sweet words' from a 'crocodile land',it will bring u up high over the cloud and the sky then drop u from there and make u suffer emotionally,psycologically, and pysically..ur body are here,on the land,in the home@whenever u r, but ur soul and self-esteem are 0..u will keep remember him and those fake sweet moments..u will keep blaming urself..but please dont!!!(even me,cant stop doing that to myself..im being cruel to myself)..this is a reminder for me,myself,and all ladies who read this..love urself first before u love anybody..

guys,

please..if u know that the person u called "sayang",honey,baby,"manja",darling,or what so ever love u truly,please..love her as much as u can..if u dont, say it..make her understand..dont just 'melayan' her and then leave whenever u want..or if u want 'berbakul2 makian',then do la whatever u want..

remember...what goes around,comes around..